Archive for December, 2006

Movies I’ve Ado(RED) and Abhor(RED)

A note about the title: Lately, I have seen quite a bit of the Project (RED) merchandise, and I like how they use words ending in RED and enclose them with parentheses so I thought I would give it a go.

I have watched 4 movies, 1 comedy special, and heard my wife’s report on another movie.  Here is the rundown (by the way, I may release some plot information you don’t want to know if you haven’t seen the movie so consider this your warning):

Rocky Balboa: Don’t tell me that Stallone shouldn’t have made this movie.  And don’t tell me that you can’t get choked up during a boxing movie.  While it’s not Oscar-worthy, it completes a series of films that are classic American cinema.  The boxing is better than any of the other movies, and overall I would say this installment is second only to Rocky IV.  But it still gets a solid A-

Pirates of the Caribbean 2: The storyline was advanced, a few new characters are introduced, there’s some romantic tension between Keira and Orlando.  It was good, except for the gigantic cliffhanger ending.  **Excursus: How is it legal to release a movie that could obviously not stand on it’s own?  First I was burned by Matrix Reloaded, then Kill Bill, and now this.  I believe there are 3 categories: Serials (Indiana Jones), Movies-Way-Too-Long-To-Be-Combined (Lord of the Rings), and Cliffhangers-Destined-For-Hades (POTC2).  This movie was not good enough to end like this. Excursus Fin** Shaky C+

Dane Cook: Vicious Circle: I love watching stand-up.  No one else on earth has to command the attention of an audience like a stand-up comedian.  I think it’s the most similar profession to preaching there is.  So watching stand-up is usually like doing research…this was the kind of research that makes you want to swallow a knife.  It was terrible, unfunny, and uninspired.  Dane was in his hometown, and it seemed like the Bostonians would have laughed at anything.  F

Mission: Impossible 3: Vastly Superior to the other two films.  Despite the unavoidable evidence that Tom Cruise is certifiably crazy, he makes a fine intelligence agent.  Probably not buy-able, but I’d watch it again. B+

Charlotte’s Web: This is the wife’s report.  "It was good.  It moved faster than the cartoon."  That statement and the fact that Emma keeps talking about Wih-bor the pig make me think it was decent. B

The Devil Wears Prada: There are definitely levels of greatness.  To say that As Good As It Gets is great is different that saying Big is great.  I love Big, and I’ll watch it over and over, but it is not a potential Desert-Island movie like As Good As It Gets.  This movie was more Big-Great than Great-Great.  My favorite piece of the movie is how accurately they illustrated the fact that it sometimes feels impossible to do well at work and at home.  How it feels like you can only be good at one thing at a time.  Constant struggle for me.  Anyway, good acting from Meryl Streep.  Adrien Grenier showed up as the same guy from Entourage / You Drive Me Crazy…He really should find a new part.  Movie gets an A-

Next up on the list is You, Me & Dupree and then The Last Kiss.

Two-Double Aught-Six was the most eventful year of my life since the first one.  I hope that 2007 is a year filled with challenges and stories of how those challenges were overcome in innovative ways.  Or something like that.



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Swing and a Miss

Let’s talk about two magazines that totally missed with their end of year reviews.  Exhibit A is Spin Magazine.  First of all, Spin has been circling the drain for over a year now.  My love for all things music and my natural instinct to keep things I don’t need to keep make me the perfect person for Spin.  But here is my spin routine lately: take it from the mailbox to the house, skim through it looking for any band that I might have heard of, get frustrated because every band wears makeup / is from Croatia / or is generally uninteresting, and then I throw it away.  I don’t have a single spin magazine in my house, and let me repeat, I keep everything.
It’s now the annual year-in-review issue.  Some periodicals that I don’t normally read are able to draw me in for this last issue of the year.  (I am always curious how people measure the past year)   A small smile emerged as I noticed the new edition of Spin.  Skimming through the magazine, I found my favorite coloumn in Spin: Music Jury.  The editors take two people you wouldn’t normally put together, and then have them listen to the most popular singles of the year and comment on them.  Two years ago, it was John Mayer and David Cross (A+).  This year… Ghostface Killah and ______ Finn from The Hold Steady.  Are these the only people returning Spin’s phone calls?  Ghostface Killah?  Come on!  That’s a flub on the level of the NFL official who botched up the coin flip a few years ago.  Unforgivable.  I will never subscribe to Spin again.  We are breaking up, once and for all.
The second complete miss?  I’ll tell you tomorrow.

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This isn’t a real post

I was at Target today.  Target’s in house clothing brand is Cherokee.  When I got home, I put on my Wal*Mart pajama pants.  Wal*Mart’s in house clothing brand is Puritan.  Wal*Mart = Pilgrims and Target = Native Americans.  Very Thanksgiving-ish of the companies.

I’m curious as to why Carmelo Anthony is such a punk.  He hit Mardy Collins (video here, about halfway through), and then ran away like a 2nd grade girl in a slap fight under the monkey bars.

Why is Evian spelled backwards Naive?  Should I read into that?

Chandler is the easiest way of figuring out which season of Friends
you’re watching.  He’s skinny…seasons 1, 2, and 3.  He’s
fat…seasons 4, 5, 6.  He’s skinny…and tan…seasons 7-end.

How did the natives get that giant, rolling boulder into the cave so it could chase Indiana Jones?  How many natives were squashed by that huge rock?

And lastly, I know it’s only a TV show, but seriously, when does Jack Bauer urinate?  In all my years on Earth, I can’t think of a single time I have gone 24 hours without a trip to the bathroom.

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