I’m Sad and I Don’t Know Why

That title is a bit of misinformation.  I have a pretty good idea of a few things that are sad at the moment.  Debbie Adcock’s funeral was today.  Carrie and Lindsay’s mom is gone, and Ron is a widow.  I only knew Debbie for a small fraction of her life, but I was privileged enough to see many lives that she had touched.  The funeral was filled with people who love her and her family.  And now she’s gone.  I am sad because of that, but there is something deeper.
There is this phrase that keeps running circles in my head: "This is not the end.  Death does not win."  I would love to say that I grasp that concept, but would that statement even be true?  How can you grasp that death is not the finality that it seems to be without actually dying?  My mind understands that God has designed us for eternity.  I know Steven Curtis Chapman’s "More To This Life" backwards and forwards.  But that’s just it…I understand that this life isn’t the end.  But I don’t understand (extra emphasis) that.
And therein lies the cause of my sadness: my faith feels so small today.  I can’t mesh together the image of a coffin in the front of a church with the idea of eternity.  I want to believe in heaven.  It makes today easier.  But there is still some part of me that needs redeeming; there is a part that can only understand the end of this life.
But through all of this, I cling to the small faith that exists within me.  I derive my hope from it.  Because ultimately, death does not win.  This is not the end.


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