It Will Never Go Away

Middle School Disciple Now is t-minus 32 hours away. No matter how many events, I get ready for, there is always some sense of anticipation and excitment coupled with an unnerving feeling of dread. I have been the person of utmost responsibility for over 7 weeks of youth camp for up to 650 students each week, at least 6 different pre-teen camps, various other retreats and trips for campers and camp employees. I have been directly involved in another 5 years worth of camps and retreats and single day events for all manner of groups. But despite all of this previous experience, the sense of dread stays with me. It will never go away.
I think in some respects, it’s helpful to always feel a little worried. It keeps me sharp and thinking ahead to what other things need to happen. But mostly I think I am scared that somehow or another the weekend is going to prove my worth (or lack thereof) as a human being. I have yet to break from the cycle of feeling that I am only worth something when I perform well. I cannot get my head around the fact that whether or not this weekend is amazing has nothing to do with who I am as a person.
But I know that I am wrong. Scripture affirms that I am worth something to God simply because I exist. He loves me right now as I am sitting here typing, and He loves me when I am asleep, and He loves me when I am failing miserably at trying to communicate the truth of the Gospel. He simply loves me. Well, not just me. He simply loves you too. Just because. You don’t have to earn His love. You can’t lose His love. It will never go away.

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1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Sandy said,

    Just so you know….you are worth your weight in gold to Wade and I….and Wil. We are truly so thankful for you and all your hard work. You have made a difference in our son’s life.

    Sandy


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